There isn’t one. Unfortunately, everyone deals with heartbreak differently. One time in my social discourse class in college, my professor sat up at the front of the lecture hall and said “Jealousy is a made up feeling.” The entire room was baffled. This is just not true. How could she say that? She went on to describe how no two interactions are the same and how they can’t be duplicated. She went on to talk about how jealousy is a public construct and it’s not a real emotion. She said that when we break up with someone and see them with someone new, we shouldn’t be jealous because their relationship would never and could never be the same as ours. Isn’t that why we get jealous in the first place? We feel inadequate or that someone we love is choosing someone else over us; like we aren’t enough for them. This really resonated with me. As abstract of an idea it sounds, in times of heartbreak or jealousy, I tend to repeat these words in my head and they provide a lot of comfort.
The bottom line is how we look at things. It’s imperative to shift your emotional and rational thinking to something tangible when looking at heartbreak. Although everyone copes with grief in different ways, here are some easy ways to combat it.
1. Get outside. Social media is constricting. We’re used to people we love texting us constantly, checking in, calling, tagging us in posts, We instantly become surrounded in silence when it ends. There’s no better remedy than leaving your phone at home and going outside for a walk and some vitamin D.
2. Give back to others. When we aren’t focusing on ourselves, we are much happier. Volunteering is sometimes impossible if you have a full workload, but it’s really important to put yourself into something and someone else. Go out of your ways to help others, it’s actually an easy way to feel better yourself. Even if you’re doing it to be selfish, someone else is gaining from it. It’s a win-win for all involved.
3. Cuddle your pet, or a stuffed animal and listen to sad song. This sounds slightly sadistic, but it’s important to engage with your emotions. Take time to mourn and grieve and eat that tub of ice cream. Set aside an amount of time to dwell and then call it quits. Time to pull yourself together and go take on the world.
4. Don’t read a bunch of blogs about how to get over heartbreak, because there’s really no specific way that will get you out of a slump. You need to take care of yourself to get to a point that you can pick yourself up and move on. Moving on takes a long time, and nobody says it’s easy, but listen to yourself and try to find joy in the small things. It’s not going to be easy but time heals all wounds. Find something to look forward to everyday, even if they’re small feats.
By: Erica T.